


Therapy Sessions

by crazyTXgradstudent



Series: Jana and Michael [4]
Category: Michael Fassbender / Original Female Character
Genre: Counseling, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3478475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyTXgradstudent/pseuds/crazyTXgradstudent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here you will find some of the future therapy sessions as Jana continues to work through issues. This may not be for everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Therapy Sessions

**Therapy session with Dr. Vonn**

 

“How are you, Jana?” Dr.Vonn asked with a smile.

“I’m good,” Jana whispered.  She was already twisting the tissue in-between her fingers.

“Are you sure?” The therapist argued gently as she leaned forward slightly in her chair. “You seem agitated. This session is outside of our normal ones, so can you help me understand what’s brought you in today?”

“Well….I’m not good actually.  I don’t even know what I am really.” Jana shook her head, wiling herself not to cry.  She felt herself clenching her jaw, physically warring with herself as she fought back tears of frustration and anger and sadness.

“What’s happened, sweetie?” Dr. Vonn asked softly.

“Uhm…so my dad…my biological dad is dying of cancer.  I just found out a few days ago.”

“Oh Jana, I am so sorry,” Dr. Vonn replied softly. “What do you know about it?”

“Well late Monday night I got a message on Facebook stating that I needed to call this lady that my father was staying with. I was hesitant, of course,” she looked up at Dr. Vonn for understanding.

“Of course,” the therapist nodded.

“And so I called the hospital at around midnight, maybe?  Anyways, the nurses wouldn’t tell me anything because I wasn’t yet listed as a contact. I did manage to get the nurse to tell me it was actually very serious, and that I needed to contact him.”

“And then what did you do?  Does Michael know?” Dr. Vonn asked, and Jana shook her head.

“No. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower and cried.  Maybe for a half hour or so. I just sat on the floor and cried,” Jana whispered again. She stared off in the distance as she remembered that time.

“What were the tears about, Jana?  I know you and your dad aren’t close, so can you tell me what the sadness was about?”

“I don’t know. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I’m sad. I’m really, really pissed off,” Jana replied.  She could feel her jaw aching as she gritted her teeth.

“Angry about what?”

“That he waited so long.  That it took this long for him to need me,” Jana whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Jana?  You’re grieving the relationship you never had, and the one you might never get due to your father’s illness,” Dr. Vonn elucidated.  Jana nodded in agreement.

“Yes. I mean, I know I could have done things differently, but I think I was waiting for him to come and fix things, you know?”

“And he hasn’t, and now you feel what?” Dr. Vonn scribbled on her pad as she looked at Jana.

“Now I feel like it’s my fault.  That I should have tried harder," Her voice dropped lower, almost at a whisper,  as she continued speaking.  "One time in counseling before I told the therapist that my dad was dead.” Jana’s eyes took on a haunted look as she recounted that memory. “It’s almost like I got what I wished for, right?”

“Jana, you can’t blame yourself.  Your dad left you when you were very young.  He had ample opportunities to come back into your life, and he chose not to.  From where I sit, I see a young lady who has been more than accepting, more than compromising.  He chose not to make the move.  He broke the relationship in the beginning, and thus he bore the weight of repairing it. None of this is your fault.”

Jana cried softly into her hands, the knotted tissue doing little to dry her tears as they rolled down her cheeks.  None of this changed how she felt about the situation, regardless if it were true or not.

“Have you allowed yourself to grieve yet, Jana?”

“What do you mean? He’s not dead…I mean…” Jana hiccupped.

“No, not his death.  Have you allowed yourself to grieve the relationship? The reality that what you want – what you’ve always wanted from your dad – that you probably won’t get it. Have you grieved that?” Dr. Vonn’s voice was kind, but it did nothing to stop the new onslaught of tears that poured out from Jana’s eyes.

“No,”she sniffled as she wiped at her face with the back of her hand. “I don’t think so.”

“What would it mean for you if you were able to do that?  To acknowledge that you may not get this thing that you have wanted for so very long?” 

“I just don’t think it’s fair. I don’t think any of it’s fair!  I didn’t do anything wrong!” Jana sobbed again. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around her knees, consoling herself as she rocked slowly.  She sat this way for a few moments and cried.  Dr. Vonn waited patiently, not speaking. 

When Jana was finally able to sit back up, her face was blotchy and her eyes were red-rimmed.  Dr. Vonn was looking at her with a tender smile.

“How do you feel now?”

“I feel empty. I don’t feel anything.  I don’t want to feel anything,” Jana whispered.  She looked out the window and focused on the cars as they were passing by on the road.  The sun was setting and it was getting dark.

“That’s okay to feel that way. This is a tremendous ordeal to go through, and I am so sorry that it’s happening this way, Jana.”

“I just don’t want to feel anything,” Jana repeated again.  She continued staring out the window, not blinking as her eyes focused on something that only she could see.

“Jana? I need you to do something for me, okay?” Dr. Vonn called to her, interrupting her thoughts. “I want you to describe the couch that you’re sitting on.  Tell me what it feels like. Can you do that?”

Jana turned to look at Dr. Vonn, her face void of emotion and her stare blank.

“Jana, tell me what the couch feels like.  Describe the texture to me,” the therapist repeated.  Jana slowly rubbed the edge of the couch, her fingers running over the smooth, micro-suede.

“It feels soft,” she whispered. “It’s soft, and smooth, and warm right here by my knee.”

“Okay the fabric is warm, and soft, and smooth.  What else about this room do you notice? Can you look around and tell me what time it is?” Dr. Vonn continued.

“It’s 1838,” Jana replied as she looked over Dr. Vonn’s head at the small clock on the shelf.  The therapist nodded and smiled again.

"I want you to notice that feeling of the couch, notice the fabric and how it feels under your fingers.  Notice the ticking of the clock, the way the hands are moving.  Just notice your body, notice being in this room.  Can you do that?" Dr. Vonn asked again.  Jana nodded as she took a few deep breaths and petted the couch.

"That's good, Jana.  Take a deep breath and let it out a few times.  Just notice your body sitting on the couch, notice your feet touching the floor. Feel the breath coming in and out as you relax."

Jana took a few deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly.  After the fourth breath, she opened her eyes and smiled shakily at Dr. Vonn.

"I was disassociating, wasn't I?"

Dr. Vonn nodded with a slight chuckle.

"It's hard to sit on that side of the room, isn't?  When the therapist gets therapy it's always difficult."

"It is," Jana nodded in agreement.  "Thank you, though.  I feel better just getting it out I think. I have been angry for so long, and I know it won't go away overnight, but I feel lighter somehow."

Dr. Vonn smiled as she once again wrote something in her chart.

"What will you be doing this afternoon?"

"Well, Michael's at home with the kids," Jana giggled a bit.  Michael had his hands full with two kids. "I should probably get back."

Dr. Vonn stood up and Jana did the same.

"How are thing with Michael? And two babies! My goodness!" Dr. Vonn grinned as she opened the door for Jana.  Jana walked through and stepped into the hallway.

"It's insane, but I love them all dearly," Jana replied with a smile.  Dr. Vonn patted her on her shoulder.

"You have a great support system, sweetie.  Go home to Michael, and those babies.  Let them help you through this, okay?"

They made their way up to the front desk, and Jana confirmed the appointment for next week.  Once outside, she sat in her truck for a few moments, just mulling over her thoughts.  Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked down.  It was a text from Michael.  She started grinning as she opened up the attached pictures.

 

**Michael:  So this happened. They forced me to do it....**

                      

 

Jana giggled as she opened up the next text.  Her giggle quickly turned to a wobbly smile, and tears pricked at her eyes.

 

**Michael: I made one for us too.  Hurry home. I miss you.**

                    

 

Jana wiped at another tear that had rolled down her cheek.  This wasn't sadness, though.  This was happiness.  This was her reason for living. 

She dropped her phone and started up the truck, put it in reverse, and headed home.


End file.
